I'm not really soliciting anything, it's just Bizarro-Speak. Clever, huh? Anyway, just for giggles (and because I haven't prepared a proper post. I blame TiVo. And the Dr. Who marathon. and beer. Lovely, lovely beer.), let's go through a few things on DC's July solicitations...
Written by Grant Morrison
Art and cover by J.H. Williams III
Batman, Robin and the Club of Heroes are stuck on an island rigged with elaborate death traps. And even as the villain behind it all begins to explain his twisted motives, he continues to pick the heroes off one by one.
On sale July 25 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
Y'know? Morrison does Murderworld could be really, really fun. Of course it's also the kind of story he could write in his sleep. I'm hoping for the former.
This picture beautifully encapsulates my personal torment over All-Star Batman and Robin. I honestly can't decide if this is a pop-art, over-the-top for over-the-top's sake piece of utter creative brilliance that was probably making Frank Miller laugh manically with glee even as he was drawing it ... or if it's crap. I can't judge it. I don't get it. But... part of me - a part deep, deep down in the lower areas of my mind.. the bit that I inherited from evolution's genetic programming that either tells me to be awe-struck by something unknown or to flee in terror .... that part of me kind of likes it.
The comic is the same way with me. I wish I could go all in, yelling "Fuck Yeah!" at the manly man-ness that he's going for here.. but I usually just read it with a big ol' question mark over my head. Yet for $6 a year, I'll keep reading it. I can budget quixotic surreality in at that price.
BATMAN CONFINDENTIAL #7
Written by Michael Green
Art and cover by Denys Cowan & John Floyd
What kind of person becomes a Joker? Writer Michael Green (Heroes writer/producer) and classic Batman artist Denys Cowan shed light on who the Joker was before he became the Joker?and how he and Batman crossed paths even before the day he was created.
On sale July 11 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
Please, comic writers. Please listen to me. PLEASE!! This one's easy. You ready? Pay attention:
I didn't want to know Wolverine's origin, and damn well didn't want him to get his memory back. I don't want to know the Joker's backstory any more than I already do. They are better characters when the reader doesn't know. It actually adds depth, not hides it. Remember Phantom Stranger? There's a reason he's hands-off as far as origin goes. He works better when he's an unknown. Let the Joker begin with Alan Moore and stop going backwards. He's supposed to be enigmatic, dammit!
Argh! Next thing you know, we'll have an Iwrin Schwab adventure from before he was Ambush Bug. And on that day my friends, the terrorists will have won.
'Course that said, this is drawn by Denys Cowan, so I'll probably buy it. I'm shallow like that.
Incidentially, isn't it spelled "Confidential?" It'll be a hoot if it's that way on the cover.
BATMAN: SECRETS OF THE BATCAVE TP
Written by Bill Finger, Dennis O'Neil and others
Art by Bob Kane, Sheldon Moldoff and others Cover by various
Step into the Batcave in this new collection spanning Batman's career! Featuring stories from BATMAN #12, 35, 48, 109 and 348, DETECTIVE COMICS #158, 186, 205, 233, 235, and 244, WORLD'S FINEST #30, BRAVE AND THE BOLD #182, BIZARRO COMICS #244, and SECRET ORIGINS TP, this volume features the finest stories set in the mysterious lair of the Dark Knight!
Advance-solicited; on sale August 29 o 192 pg, FC, $17.99 US
Yes, please. Oh, yes. Nice price, too.
+ (331° rotation + colors) - Supergirl =
I'm Jus' Sayin'
JACK OF FABLES #13
Written by Bill Willingham & Matthew Sturges
Art by Tony Akins & Andrew Pepoy
Cover by CLASSIFIED
Jack's been impaled by the sword Excalibur, and only the One True King can remove it from him. But where is he, and how long can Jack last with a sword sticking out of his chest?
On sale July 25 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US o MATURE READERS
OK. Lemme take a stab at this one (Hah! I slay me!). I'll guess that the thing pinning Jack to the stone on that cover is... ummm... that it's some kind of stabby thing... ummm, from a king ... piercing stabby weapon ... Royalty ...
OK, I'm gonna go with... Aquman in the parlor with a Harpoon! Curse you Aquaman and your Fable-stabbing ways!
And if that cover is indeed drawn by Brian Bolland, then this is officially the worst kept cover "CLASSIFIED" solicitation I've ever seen.
Hmmm.. I kind of like this one. Something really draws the eye... can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel my line of vision strangely pulled towards something. It's hypnotic, almost mesmerizing...
Oh well. Maybe it'll boobies to me later.
Gah! Ack! Make it stop! Nononononono....
Well, that was fun! Maybe I'll do these more often! Now excuse me while I go watch some Supergirl Justice League Unlimited episodes to scrub the Super-Porno-Girl image out of my head. Honestly, does that thing above look like it would be relaxing in a towel, sipping hot cocoa with "Babs," high fiving each other because they just made the news? Then laughing playfully as a casual touch becomes oh so much more when you're young and innocent. Then a knock at the door as Mary Marvel enters wearing only a ...
Umm.. Forget I said that. I don't want to be responsible for anyone building a scenario around that. Or worse, writing some fan-fiction. *shudder*