Showing posts with label Bringing the Forbidden Sexy That Dare Not Speak it's Name. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bringing the Forbidden Sexy That Dare Not Speak it's Name. Show all posts

Don't Encourage Him

How jokes escalate:

OK, you're searching for some wacky Halloween cover to make a joke about when you find one to which your (admittedly) perverted and juvenile mind can only take one way - down the bawdy path. Or, as I refer to it: "The Road Well-Traveled." So.. you go that way and add the joke's necessary ball gag and realize that because you're putting it on a pig, it really should be an apple. See, that's more of the funny. Then, when adding the tag-line joke, you similarly notice that it really should be stuttered. Triple the f-f-f-funny!


AHA! We have achieved the funny! But wait, there's more!

See, now that I'm done with it, I realize that I have a fantastic one panel joke buried here. If only I could draw. I can't. Not well, anyway. Maybe someone can.

Picture this (and be forewarned):

Bedroom scene. Porky Pig chained, bondage-wise, to the bed. He's obviously been worked over - lashes, bruises, sweat, ball-gag askew.. you get it. Standing over him, Petunia is dressed to the bondagey nines. I'm trying not to think too hard about it, actually. Anyway, she's still in the middle of whipping poor Porky who can't stutter out the overly complicated code-word to get her to stop!

Hahahaha! I kill me.

*whew!*

Oh, and for you kids scoring at home: Perverted bawdy ball-gag, bedroom chained worked over bruises, sweat bondagey code-word.

Hi, Googlers!

Derby D'oh!

Simpsons Comics came out last week in which Marge tries out for a Roller Derby team and the wacky hi-jinks that naturally ensue. It's pretty good, though they did play a little loose with how the actual game is played - at the end of the bout Marge actually crosses a finish line to win. That's weird. But for the most part, they get the idea and make it fun.

And the comic is pretty funny - which is not at all surprising being a Simpsons comic and all. Honestly, this series has been a consistently funny all-ages read from issue one. It helps that you can read the comic and hear the actual character's voices in your head. At least, that's what I do.

Anywhoo, being a Roller Derby official myself, I thought it might be nice to explain some of the sport's more obscure termanology, as helpfully illustrated by this kiddiebook.

All set?


GO!!!


The Flapjack


The Blumpkin


The KrackWhore Whack


The Pirate's Booty


The Alabama Hot Pocket


The Boobie Buster


The Lesbian Threesome
A personal favorite, but the effectiveness varies drastically depending on who's involved in making the play


The Moleman Toss


The Porn Scene Setup


The Rusty Trombone

Ah, yes. Roller Derby. You can learn quite a few things from derby. For instance:

"With Skate Power, Comes Skate Responsibility."

I can't believe they didn't make that joke in the comic! Bongo guys?!? Call me...

Magic Moments

Sometimes you see a cover and it's all too easy. Especially when it's a golden age Superboy cover.


Yep.

Fish, barrel? Meet mind, gutter.

Who Watches?

Sorry about yesterday's *ahem* ribald bit of dildo foolishness¹. Won't happen again for at least a week. Maybe sooner. Oh well.

OK - Back to the Silver Age Wackiness!©


"That's the last time I get Superman to pose as Robin for a bust."

Ummm.. wow. Don't know what I was originally thinking, there. And you really don't want to see the Google search results for "Batman kissing Robin." Seriously.

(Hi, Googlers!)

Happy Weekend!

¹ SexyNerdGirl

Some Blind Dates Just Don't Have a Sense of Humor

Another great weekend, but over too quickly. And I was kept too busy to Photoshop anything resembling teh funnay. My bad.

So, come one and come all to see what happens when Soup doesn't clear out his mind's dirty recesses routinely. Brace yourselves.


"I couldn't wait to prove it, get her home and show her my homemade Rose Petal, Chocolate, and Tequila Sunrise enema."

See?!? This is all society's problem!

Or, it will be if I can get on disability...

(That one kinda grossed ME out. I mean, alcohol enema's BURN!

But, you get drunk all the quicker. Just ask Fell!

Kinda sorry. Kinda.)

Kicking a Dead Horse

Eh, one more time...

(I really hope this isn't becoming a reoccurring theme!)
(Well, kinda...)



Too easy!

Now.. where'd I put that All Star Superman? *drool....*

I Have a Cunning Plan...

Well, Batman does anyway:


And with that one, I'm off to see me some Original Star Trek on the big screen. I'm pretty sure someone's jealous. Countdown until he points out that the original rejected pilot was "The Cage" in 1....7.....0...1...

(Just kidding!)


(Man, this one's particularly crappy.. I could've spent another day cleaning up that done-too-many-times joke...)
(For instance, I should've used Carmine Infantino pointing hands instead of the arrows...)
(...and made it look more blue-printy...)

(Yes, I'm a big ol' geek.)

Hallow-Back!

Whelp, that was one Spook-tacularly fun Halloween! But, I'm back and so let's wade back into the basics...

Crappy Juvenile Photoshop Jokes!


(I'm actually kinda happy with this one)

(Yeah, it's an easy mark, but whattayagonnado??)

Oh, and please go see Spamalot, if you get the chance. It's surprisingly fantastic! You will have a good time, believe you me!

(And, who knew there were so many lyrical rhymes for 'Jew?')

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That...

So apparently Harry Potter's headmaster, Dumbledore has been outed by his author.

Just think of the fan fiction to shortly grace our presence. I could go for an easy Google search reference joke here, but I really don't want to know if it would work. You're welcome.

Now, I'm not a huge Potter fan - it's a pleasant enough diversion and I'm hardly the target audience but, (and here's the kicker) I KNOW THAT. So, it's not a passion of mine by any stretch of the imagination, but I do enjoy it as a kinda guilty pleasure. Much in the same way I enjoy that Avatar cartoon whenever I come across it.

(And by the way.. if you are a fan, and haven't listened to the Books-on-Tape version read by the ASTONISHING voice talent of Mr. Jim Dale, you're missing out. Seriously. That guy is the best story teller, ever. I wonder if you can somehow pay him to tuck you in at night...?)

(ummm.. you should probably forget that particular mental picture...)

Anywhoo? ... Oh yeah! Dumbledore! Don't care, not one jot. Not one tittle. But, it does make for some funny photoshops...


(This one goes out to a certain someone who, it must be said, was overheard screeching with either shock or excitement (jury's still out...) from across the house when she first read the news.)

(tee hee...)

Lazy Friday

I took the day off work yesterday and really just kinda lounged around. Well, sort of. But no need to go into any lurid details here. If there were any. Jus' Sayin'.

So.. sorry (again) for another week with one fewer posts than I'd planned for. Ah, but I'm back! And as much as I would've loved finishing my Michael Turner Supergirl / Real Dolls mash up, I got tired real quick of looking at all those photos. Real quick. Then having to "detail" them. Rest assured - it would've worked, but I haven't the stomach for it.

In hindsight, I should've gone with Greg Land... no, never mind.

Fall back position, then!


Enjoy your weekend, everyone! Maybe I'll get ambitious and make up for yesterday...

Bonus!

Because Adam had the same thought I did...


I wish there was more space in that panel. Oh, the props I could add!

Gallows Humor

9/11 Still gets to me, and I thought of posting something appropriate to the attack six years ago. But after reading through a few tribute comics and artist anecdotes, I started to tear up a little and decided that I didn't want to push anything too heavy and taint my reputation for making juvenile boobie jokes. (heh. "Taint." "Boobies." Hi, Googlers!) I'm trying to maintain a fun zone here, for cryin' out loud! And I hate being depressed.

So let's cheer up with a little ribald humor double entendre...




Meh. Too easy. Need something sillier.

Oh! Random Silver Age Aquaman panel! Always good for a chuckle!


Hee hee! Shark-ball! Makos ahead of White Tips 13-5!

Guess what? That's not an actual panel from a real Aquaman comic. But, gosh darnit, it could be!

Actually, it's another panel unscrupulously stolen from Adam over at CMNS. The original is itself inherently great Silver Age wacky fun (go click) and has another unintentional out-of-context double entendre. Hmm.. should've made it a theme post!

Photoshop is a fun distraction. I feel better now. God bless my country.

Hee hee.. shark-ball...

Ug.. Brain Hurts!

Ok, I think I need help. I admit it.

I mean a few days ago, I'm searching The Google for funny comics (as is my wont!) and come across a single, out-of context panel that is so funny on the outset that I just saved it reflexively. I mean, if you stumbled across a Silver (Golden?) Age panel of a gorilla with a gun terrorizing a library demanding certain books to further his plot for world conquest.. well, you'd save it too! Trust me. You know you would.

But - and here's where I think I may have "teh brain troublies" - when I came across it again tonight, I thought I could make it funnier. Like that was even possible. I should have realized that right then and there.

But, NO! I furthered on with my first thought and came up photoshopping something that really suggests I need some kind of professional help.

Seriously ... who thinks up this shit?!?


*sigh*

(Oh! That reminds me! I need to free up some of my hard drive space and organize some "special folders!")

Happy Weekend, everyone!

Creepy Secret, Redux!

Sometimes an idea hits me while just going through other people's creativity.

Rachelle over at Living Between Wednesdays (a personal favorite comic blogs of mine, by the way) had a very funny write up of Lois Lane #89. Go read it. It's funny. I'll wait.

See? Told you it was funny!

Anyway, my favorite panel from the comic / post was this one:

Awesome. Creepy, but awesome.

I stared at that panel for a long time. How could I not? It's awesome! How creepy can Bruce get? And more importantly, can I kick the funny up a notch with some bad photoshop editing?

Hmmm... A shrine to Supergirl? Mary Marvel? ... nah.. not funny, just underage creepy. Superman? Too easy. Pied Piper? Too obscure. Catwoman? Too obvious. And not funny. James Gordon? Hmmm.. almost! Bat-Mite? Getting warmer...

Wait! I've got it!

I need a spare room

Tee hee.

When in doubt, pull out the Ambush Bug! Always money.

Off-Panel Monkey-Business

I'm currently reading the Superman Family DC Showcase:




You can probably expect more of these.

And I should apologize now.

Me Solicit. Me am Soliciting!

I'm not really soliciting anything, it's just Bizarro-Speak. Clever, huh? Anyway, just for giggles (and because I haven't prepared a proper post. I blame TiVo. And the Dr. Who marathon. and beer. Lovely, lovely beer.), let's go through a few things on DC's July solicitations...



BATMAN #668
Written by Grant Morrison
Art and cover by J.H. Williams III
Batman, Robin and the Club of Heroes are stuck on an island rigged with elaborate death traps. And even as the villain behind it all begins to explain his twisted motives, he continues to pick the heroes off one by one.
On sale July 25 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

Y'know? Morrison does Murderworld could be really, really fun. Of course it's also the kind of story he could write in his sleep. I'm hoping for the former.




This picture beautifully encapsulates my personal torment over All-Star Batman and Robin. I honestly can't decide if this is a pop-art, over-the-top for over-the-top's sake piece of utter creative brilliance that was probably making Frank Miller laugh manically with glee even as he was drawing it ... or if it's crap. I can't judge it. I don't get it. But... part of me - a part deep, deep down in the lower areas of my mind.. the bit that I inherited from evolution's genetic programming that either tells me to be awe-struck by something unknown or to flee in terror .... that part of me kind of likes it.

The comic is the same way with me. I wish I could go all in, yelling "Fuck Yeah!" at the manly man-ness that he's going for here.. but I usually just read it with a big ol' question mark over my head. Yet for $6 a year, I'll keep reading it. I can budget quixotic surreality in at that price.



BATMAN CONFINDENTIAL #7
Written by Michael Green
Art and cover by Denys Cowan & John Floyd
What kind of person becomes a Joker? Writer Michael Green (Heroes writer/producer) and classic Batman artist Denys Cowan shed light on who the Joker was before he became the Joker?and how he and Batman crossed paths even before the day he was created.
On sale July 11 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

Please, comic writers. Please listen to me. PLEASE!! This one's easy. You ready? Pay attention:

With some characters, not knowing the backstory is actually a good thing!

I didn't want to know Wolverine's origin, and damn well didn't want him to get his memory back. I don't want to know the Joker's backstory any more than I already do. They are better characters when the reader doesn't know. It actually adds depth, not hides it. Remember Phantom Stranger? There's a reason he's hands-off as far as origin goes. He works better when he's an unknown. Let the Joker begin with Alan Moore and stop going backwards. He's supposed to be enigmatic, dammit!

Argh! Next thing you know, we'll have an Iwrin Schwab
adventure from before he was Ambush Bug. And on that day my friends, the terrorists will have won.

'Course that said, this is drawn by
Denys Cowan, so I'll probably buy it. I'm shallow like that.

Incidentially, isn't it spelled "Confidential?" It'll be a hoot if it's that way on the cover.



BATMAN: SECRETS OF THE BATCAVE TP
Written by Bill Finger, Dennis O'Neil and others
Art by Bob Kane, Sheldon Moldoff and others Cover by various
Step into the Batcave in this new collection spanning Batman's career! Featuring stories from BATMAN #12, 35, 48, 109 and 348, DETECTIVE COMICS #158, 186, 205, 233, 235, and 244, WORLD'S FINEST #30, BRAVE AND THE BOLD #182, BIZARRO COMICS #244, and SECRET ORIGINS TP, this volume features the finest stories set in the mysterious lair of the Dark Knight!
Advance-solicited; on sale August 29 o 192 pg, FC, $17.99 US

Yes, please. Oh, yes. Nice price, too.




+ (331° rotation + colors) - Supergirl =

I'm Jus' Sayin'




JACK OF FABLES #13

Written by Bill Willingham & Matthew Sturges
Art by Tony Akins & Andrew Pepoy
Cover by CLASSIFIED
Jack's been impaled by the sword Excalibur, and only the One True King can remove it from him. But where is he, and how long can Jack last with a sword sticking out of his chest?
On sale July 25 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US o MATURE READERS

OK. Lemme take a stab at this one (Hah! I slay me!). I'll guess that the thing pinning Jack to the stone on that cover is... ummm... that it's some kind of stabby thing... ummm, from a king ... piercing stabby weapon ... Royalty ...

OK, I'm gonna go with... Aquman in the parlor with a Harpoon! Curse you Aquaman and your Fable-stabbing ways!

And if that cover is indeed drawn by Brian Bolland, then this is officially the worst kept cover "CLASSIFIED" solicitation I've ever seen.




Hmmm.. I kind of like this one. Something really draws the eye... can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel my line of vision strangely pulled towards something. It's hypnotic, almost mesmerizing...

Oh well. Maybe it'll boobies to me later.




Gah! Ack! Make it stop! Nononononono....



Well, that was fun! Maybe I'll do these more often! Now excuse me while I go watch some Supergirl Justice League Unlimited episodes to scrub the Super-Porno-Girl image out of my head. Honestly, does that thing above look like it would be relaxing in a towel, sipping hot cocoa with "Babs," high fiving each other because they just made the news? Then laughing playfully as a casual touch becomes oh so much more when you're young and innocent. Then a knock at the door as Mary Marvel enters wearing only a ...

Umm.. Forget I said that. I don't want to be responsible for anyone building a scenario around that. Or worse, writing some fan-fiction. *shudder*

(Boom-Chicka Wow-Wow!)