The Want List: September 2008

If This Be My Batcave

Official notice:

Soup and SexyNerdGirl are in hard-core house hunting mode, which takes up a lot of our spare time, what with there being so few Crime-Stopper Headquarters on the market out here in rural Idaho. Oh, and there's a big Roller Derby bout this weekend involving our Treasure Valley Roller Girls and the Jet City Bombers from the Seattle area. The former team of SexyNerdGirl, as a matter of fact. So, there's that whole old team / new team rivalry thing going on, which means lots and lots of derby practices and meetings. Y'know.. to dish the dirt on your old teammates.

Oh, and we've just started playing Spore. Wow, is that ever a fun game! Time killer, too!

As a result, expect a very sporadic posting schedule for the next week or so. Hopefully, we can soon get everything straightened out and go back to posting Jughead covers with photoshopped boobies. Or the Goddamn Batman. Maybe both.

Kisses!

I iz 'shopin on ur tubes

Well, we have a busy weekend planned! Not the least of which is celebrating SexyNerdGirl's birthday! Yay!! She's now legal in the state of Idaho! *Phew!*

(I keed, I keed. She's very much illicit.)

So, not having any idea of what to post today, I thought I'd murder a pair of avians with a single strata by posting my photoshop workspace where I'm working on what will probably end up being a birthday card in some form or another.

(no peeking, you...)

Click for a biggie version.
Happy weekend, everyone!

An Awesome Cooke

Darwyn Cooke is awesome.

(Oh! And congratulations to Sally for winning some of his original artwork! Well deserved, girl!)

Darwyn Cooke drawing Jonah Hex is ... well, ... awesom-er! Check out this absolutely gorgeous Jonah Hex image... you'd almost read right past it, it's camouflaged so well among the rest of the greatness.

Yes! Well done, sir!

Also in this issue, we have our obligatory Jonah Hex: Badass panel:

Jonah Hex: Babysitter for Hire!

Jonah Hex: Master of Disguise!

OK, I might have messed with that last one. A bit.

(And apparently, we also have Jonah Hex: The Chosen One, based on his scar there. Muggles beware!)

Derby D'oh!

Simpsons Comics came out last week in which Marge tries out for a Roller Derby team and the wacky hi-jinks that naturally ensue. It's pretty good, though they did play a little loose with how the actual game is played - at the end of the bout Marge actually crosses a finish line to win. That's weird. But for the most part, they get the idea and make it fun.

And the comic is pretty funny - which is not at all surprising being a Simpsons comic and all. Honestly, this series has been a consistently funny all-ages read from issue one. It helps that you can read the comic and hear the actual character's voices in your head. At least, that's what I do.

Anywhoo, being a Roller Derby official myself, I thought it might be nice to explain some of the sport's more obscure termanology, as helpfully illustrated by this kiddiebook.

All set?

GO!!!

The Flapjack

The Blumpkin

The KrackWhore Whack

The Pirate's Booty

The Alabama Hot Pocket

The Boobie Buster

The Lesbian Threesome
A personal favorite, but the effectiveness varies drastically depending on who's involved in making the play

The Moleman Toss

The Porn Scene Setup

The Rusty Trombone

Ah, yes. Roller Derby. You can learn quite a few things from derby. For instance:

"With Skate Power, Comes Skate Responsibility."

I can't believe they didn't make that joke in the comic! Bongo guys?!? Call me...

TW(Undead Agent of Vengence)S!

Seven Soldiers again. Frankenstein. Probably my favorite series of the seven.

Ahh - Hahahaha!

Oh dear.. sorry. It's just so darn dramatic and juvenile at the same time!

For even more of the same... and because I love you guys:

(Quite frankly, once I figured the premise, I was waiting for the TaunTaun one...)

"Yeah.. but does it have a Bat-Pole?"

Just a Caption Quickie today .. got lots to do this week, some of which involves house shopping out of town. Sheesh, but that's an unpleasant process! You think people suffering under the financial weight of the "Gotta sell NOW!" buyer's market would appreciate me trying to lighten things up a bit with the odd "So... anyone die in this room? No? So, it's okay to have sex here, then?" comment.

People don't get me.

Anywhoo...

Always taking the joke a bit too far, Superboy razzes Tommy "Needledick" Baylor for the umpteenth time.
Busy, busy, busy!

Krazy! Kosmic!

So, DC's doing a Holiday / Winter special. Love that. And the cute little hat on the All-Star Superman cover is cute. Simple and cute. Love that, too.

But - you gotta admit (well, if you're .. umm.. ME, anyway), could ol' Supes be sportin' a cooler lid? Hmmm..

And.. of course the lids don't get any cooler than King Kirby's Krazy Kosmic Kool Kaps!

Hat Tip to Bully, who, it turns out, did a little writeup on this very topic that I forgot about and happens to be the number one Google search result for "Jack Kirby Hats." Thanks for the images to mess with, Li'l Bull!

Future Brains

So I'm re-reading Grant Morrison's Seven Soldiers series in the recommended order because, well.. it's a Grant Morrison series. I'm sure I missed something the first time around. And I mean something even more substantial than the Dalek in Batman's Sci-Fi closet.

Actually, it reads a lot better all at once this way. The issues did lap each other as they were originally released, and I admit, parts that confused me initially really solidify nicely this time around. If the whole thing left you with a "impressive writing feat... but kinda patchy" feeling back then, read it again through the trades. It's fantastic taken all together. And even more impressive.

Anyway, there's a part in Zatanna #3 where he ties the Sheeda Princess with the Snow White mythos like so:

Now... maybe it's just me.. but doesn't this follow?

Jus' sayin'

Tomorrow: Haberdashery Humbug!

Wh@t SH3 w@n't t311 y0u! L@@K!

Thought I'd make a Scottish joke at first sight. But that doctor is just too gleeful to not play with. Then, as I was going through my email spam ... it hit me.

That fits much better. Slightly uncomfortable, but better.

Blatent Rip-Off Monday

Hmmm.. wonder what they were going for here... Li'l tyke seems awfully familiar...

Last Month...

Ah.. memories!

That reminds me.. I really need to write to my brother. Do they allow comics in county?

And why did Pat's mom keep her birth control in the kitchen cupboard?

A: 'cause in 1956, that's where her place was!

(B'dum, Ching!)

I keed, I keed...

EDIT: Hey! Check out what Mr. Popular drew over at Daily Sketch today!

Grimlock bringing me a fruit pie == teh awesome! (Is that how the kids are saying it?)

Thanks, man!

Oh, for Pete's Sake!

Hey! Guess what recent comic book kerfuffle made it to the national news!

And look how easy it is to put it in proper perspective by simply adding our favorite Batman adjective!

Sheesh!

Seriously... I know I'm part of a very specific niche fanbase who "gets" the Goddamn Batman - and even likes it for what it is - but .. C'mon! How many of these "Boy, comic books sure aren't like they was back when you was a kid!" articles do I have to see in my lifetime? Plus they always (and by 'always,' I mean 'EVERY FUCKING TIME!') end with the same thing: "And .. did you see how much you can sell these things for?"

Goddamn.

(Oh well .. happy weekend, everyone!)

Slapstick, Anyone?

Old comedy standard day. Feelin' old, I suppose...

Later... At Police Headquarters...

Great. Now I'm hungry.

Behind the Scenes

Let's have a little fun and see what goes on on around here when we take a step back and look....

Behind the magic!

Shall we?

Step 1: The Beginning
Find an interesting image that has some jokey potential:

Step 2: The Setup
Open your graphics editor of choice and resize the panel to better fit Blogger's image constrictions. Reduce the complexity and sample any colors off of the image that you might be needing later.

Step 3: The Funny
Think about something funny to follow the panel. Or, something funny to replace the panel's text with. Think hard! This is the most important step! If nothing immediately leaps to mind, go play guitar or something. Eat some pie. Check on your pr0n downloads. Or find a way to work Ambush Bug or The Goddamn Batman into it. If you still can't think of anything, you can stretch out a lame joke by using several smaller steps to build up suspense. You'd be surprised how often this works!

Step 4: Edit!
Change the image for maximum hilarity! Try to work it so that the text looks original and the image looks unmanipulated!

WRONG!
Step 5: Finish!
Post and laugh! Show it to your girlfriend for extra eye-rolling goodness!

RIGHT!

Soupy Suggestion!!
A slightly ribald double entendre can be especially funny ... particularly if it can be mistaken as an innocent comment by a naive character!

Yay! Give yourself a hand! Soon you'll be editing the comedy just like the crappy pros do! Until Next Time!

(The finished product there was totally an accidental joke. But, wow! Is that a funny cover! HAHAHA!!!)

Ug.

Bit under the weather today... trust me, the less I describe it, the better. So, nothing too substantial on the postage today.

But so as not to leave you guys with nothing*... I'll leave it at this:

I don't care if you have Super-robots in your fortress. Your Egyptian antique museum wing full of Nth metal? Ha! I laugh! Dwarf Star radiation in your university laboratory? Pffft. None of that means squat! You're all strictly Busch League! You wanna know why?

'Cause Batman has a Goddamn Dalek in his Sci-Fi Closet.

Absorb that, if you dare!

(And ... is that the head of The Iron Giant?!? Jeepers!)

* Double negatives are the Devil's Tetherball!

Now you Know!

Is it just me, or could this be a scene from a particularly wacky episode of Harley and Ivy Join the Army?

Oh, and a heartfelt "Congrats!" to the Treasure Valley Roller Girl's Devil's Darlings for winning their season opening bout in what was, quite frankly, one of the best games I've ever seen! And (as far as I'm concerned) they couldn't have done it without a certain new Pivot recruit playing in her very first league game....

(*Muhah!*)

BONUS: Hey! Guess who's stuck in the background of a picture in Wiki's Roller Derby page? How odd!

(Almost too tiny to be noticeable.. but still! Spiffy!)

I'm Not Proud

...but sometimes it has to be done. Honestly, you really can't see something like this:

...and expect me to successfully fight the urge to make a teeny, tiny li'l change to the sound effect!

C'mon! I'm only human!

(So, it's come down to the fart jokes. Well, to be fair, you knew it would eventually...)

(Yeah, I darkened the "smoke." I'm a farty perfectionist. So sue me.)

I Go To Pieces...

Thought up this one while reading the news. Strange how little I had to change the actual article.

Later that weekend:

I think it was V's sinister look that makes it work. That there's a girl up to no good, kids!

(Jughead: "Hey! I bet that's a suitcase full of burgers!")

Punday!

I hope everyone's having a nice holiday and is making with the good labor! Thought I'd supply an entire Spidey Super Story for your holiday enjoyment.. and be forewarned.. if you find cringe-worthy puns hurled at you faster than you can count to be your kryptonite.. well, prepare to turn green, baby, as we count off just how many grade-school level bad jokes we can work into a kiddie's funnybook! Apologies beforehand as to the vertical length of this post .. I'm too lazy to add a cut-tag. Hey, I'm on vacation! Jeez!

All right! ... It's go time, Baby!

Everybody! Loosely bount along with me and Rusty. C!