Holy Sexual Euphamism, Batman!

From the "Greatest Trailers Ever Made" department:

(Strangely Safe For Work)

Is it wrong that I'm now looking forward to this more than I am to Iron Man 2?

(nah.. actually, it makes perfect sense.)

Happy Valentine's Day

Hugs 'n Kisses!

No Bad Choice

In a perfect world, this would happen.

That's a guaranteed $0.60 sale, right there.

Kudos to you if you get the safeword joke! Just Kudos. Can't afford no no-prize around here...

Believe it.. or not!

Hey! It's another Romance Comic! Kinda like there's a theme this week for some reason..

Brenda didn't believe in premarital sex.

Yep.. it's a thinker.

Nice Try, Sport!

So I'm perusing some old Archie comics just, y'know, for ideas. And to figure out whether or not Veronica has gotten even hotter over the years. 'Cause these things bother me. (Note to self: She has) And simply going by those old Betty and Veronica covers, man those two chicks were all about the boy crazy back in the day. Every joke centers on it. Specifically, on that goofy red-headed boy with seemingly no other redeeming qualities other than to be the prize for some weird never-actually-goes-anywhere competition. I mean, yes - it's Archie Comics, this scenario is one of the all time classics, everyone gets it.. I get it. Old hat and all.

Heck, I'm a red-head with seemingly no other redeeming qualities myself! The whole thing just seems weird to me. And a little manipulative. Maybe I'm imprinting. A bit. Or a lot. (V? Call me!)

Still... it's gotta be frustrating to have two uber hotties only willing to pine after you (and nothing else) despite giving them your best efforts for decades...

I'm pretty sure that one speaks to every male reading this.

I should make that one into a T-Shirt.

Wedded Bliss

I apologize for this. Really. Dirty mind and all.

(well, I kinda apologize anyway.)

If only in-image text could be used for Google searches! I'd be king!

Oh, and I don't want to catch any of you kids running to find out what any of those things are! 'Cause I'm assuming you already know!

And that's half the battle.

(Unless you try them and send photos.)

It's an Honor Just to be Nominated

It's only Tuesday, but it's already been quite the fun week. So, I feel the mood to raise that Limbo Bar and ratchet up The Funny by way of everyone's favorite guilty pastime...

Porno Award Ceremonies!

(Hi, Googlers!)

Adam once again provides the comedic fodder with this fantastic combination of juvenile school-boy double-entendre humor coupled (you see what I did there?) with good ol' fashioned out-of-context radness:

I made a funny in his comments and decided to follow it up here. Twist my arm, why doncha.. it's porn!



(...Later - at the Awards After Photo Shoot...)


Ahhh... that's better ... I'm spent.

(I'm so, so sorry...)
(kinda.)

Never Give Up.. Never Surrender!

I'm on a mission.

I'm trying to reclaim my #1 Google Internet Search ranking for "Supergirl Upskirt."

(Hi, Googlers!)

Plus, I came across this Adventure Comics beauty of a cover and just couldn't resist.

And, it was a fairly easy one to do, which gives me time to prepare to go out tonight, seeing as I have tomorrow off. Because it's my birthday and I've been told I'm going to get drunk and chauffeured around until I embarrass myself. Which should be fairly early on in the evening.

So, I guess I have two missions...

Weekend Fun

Hey! It's Monday!

I'm back, just finishing an absolutely fantastic weekend that involved a lot of you'll-never- read-about-it-here crazy fun. Sorry 'bout the no Friday post, though. And the late one today. Too busy.

In fact, I'm still recovering a bit from the whole thing and therefore posting just a quickie. But it turned out well and made me chuckle a little. Hope it's not too in-jokeish.

This one goes out to ... well, she knows.

Yay! Strippers!

As much as I kinda dug the new JLA, it really should've had a scene like this...

Yes, I was that guy. Let my bad judgment be a lesson for us all.

Hee hee. Messing with classic covers feels kinda naughty. Not quite stripper naughty, but still...

(And, I actually went to the trouble to splice in a little Red Tornado with the actual stripper on the cell phone. That's a joke waiting to happen there, if you think about it...)

hmmm....

Deadbeat!

I'm back, problem fixed. Sorry.

Took me a while, but I finally figured out why my internet was down yesterday (and today - up until 5 minutes ago) - turns out I forgot to pay my bill. Funny, that.

Mind you, they didn't turn off the cable TV (same bill) ... just the internet. Huh. That's odd. And it would've saved me a couple of hours trying to figure out why my computer and TiVo can't see the internet, but the cable TV still works fine. Weird policy.

And I still don't know what the heck happened to the bill. It's not on my "Pay soon" stack, not in Quicken, not in the checkbook.. it's gone. I'm going to say it was never sent to me. Yep, passing the buck! That's the American way!

Well, anyway ... I'm back now and things seem normal again, so let's continue the funny with a crappy photoshop starring a young lady who may have been my first TV crush ever.

And by "Crush," I mean "Turned me into a man."

Well, kind of. In a way. Nevermind. Anyways...

Ah... back to normal...

(I'm actually kinda proud of that one. Lots of subtleties are there, and I learned a few new things that came out right the first time.)

Yvonne, baby? Call me...

Ah HA!

I only bought 3 comics this week, the best one at face value looking like Ex Machina. So, no Most Wanted this week. I'm sure that my writeup would only read something like, "Another great issue, as always. Great title, blabbidy blabbidy..." anyway. Jeez, that Vaughan guy's annoying like that.

So instead, let's ponder a question of serious import:

"Tell me Dinah ... just between us girls, what's the REAL reason you're marrying that known cad, scoundrel, and scallywag Oliver Queen?"

I knew it!

(Yes, that's photoshopped. Barely. Dialog was deleted, but not added to. Sometimes it's too easy.)

Quite Contrary

Boy, that was a long and busy weekend! I finally decided to finish all of those household errands that were put off for far too long. I spent a lot of time Spring (Summer?) cleaning, sorting through videos, doing yard work, and a lot of my little pet side projects are slightly closer to completion. Even went on a particularly long dog walk. I kept myself too busy to even find the time to read my weekly stack. Well, all of them anyway.

But, it's Monday! So back to the grind!

And by "grind," I mean "tastelessly juvenile crappy photoshop jokes!"

When we last left our dear innocent Mary Marvel she was given all of Black Adam's power and all of the corruption that comes with it. Since she doesn't was to start ripping people in half willy-nilly, she seeks guidance from Zatanna. Why? Who knows.. just go with it. Z ports her back to her li'l magic bedroom and warns Mary not to touch anything. But soon curiosity gets the better of her, and our dear Mary is caught rooting through Zatanna's bedside table...

Well, someone's gotta make Countdown worth reading. May as well be me.

She Puts the 'O' in Flora

Well, I'm off to the mountains for a few days of rest and dogplay - and to prove to everyone that I can actually go on a camping trip that doesn't involve news crews, search parties, and National Guard helicopters. I'll try and squeeze out some photos while I'm there.

In the meantime, here's the strangest, most over-the top, WTF?!? page you'll ever come across in a kiddiebook:

Click for Miracle Grow
Yes. It's exactly what it looks like. The next page has a panel where Ivy's leaving the forest thinking, "Ooh, that felt good..."

You can find this gem within the pages of the Harley and Ivy 3-issue series, helpfully reprinted this week, along with an additional story, in handy trade format. It's well worth your $15. Paul Dini uninhibited, writing his two favorite spank objects ladies.

Yes, I'm know it's not supposed to be an all-ages book. I mean, there's a shower AND underwear scene in EVERY ISSUE. For both girls. It's intentionally, unabashedily ribald and fanboyish. It's just that the animation-style artwork makes it appear as if it's aimed towards a much younger audience. That makes it the funny:

Daddy? Why is Poison Ivy all wet here?

Hmm? Let me see.... which panel?... GAAAHH!

Lois Lane: Clueless

I was looking through some old Lois Lane comics (Yes, Ladies! I'm single!) and came across this beauty of a cover:

Did Woody Allen write this?
Yes, that's about as awesome of a Lois Lane "Buy me to see what's going on!" romance cover as you can get, considering that Superman has not only married Lois Lane (old hat), but he has adopted his cousin, who honestly seems pretty stoked with the whole idea. (*shudder*) Bonus: You just know Lois is going to tear off into a Catastrophic Jealous Lois Freak-Out™ at some point during the story. I can only hope it involves a Kryptonite frying pan.

Props to my man 'Supes for the strategic positioning of the newspaper, though. Been there, done that. Lois never saw a thing. Smooth, Bro!

I know I have to filter this through the innocence of those Wacky Silver Age Stories™, but - seriously?!? Did this one totally get a pass? And if this, like most LL comics, was really targeted to teenage girls, was the dilemma, "Now that he's adopted a fellow Kryptonian, someone who (*choke*) is more like him and better than me ... someone who is ... (*sob*) prettier and younger than me... (*sob*) what chance do I have of keeping him?"

"I....I...I'm still happy. I am. I'm happy! Hap..(*choke*)..py!"

That's a great cover. Man, I love old Lois Lane comics! (Hi, Ladies!)

Anyhoo..., because Lois seems a bit more clueless than usual on this one, and because it's absolutely, positively begging for a joke ... here we go!


Betcha thought I was going to really dirty that one up, didn't ya?

(ehh.. believe it or not, a "Superman Supergirl Lois threeway" Google image search is surprisingly barren. Huh. Funny, that!)

(Hi, Googlers!)

On Hairstyles and Farming Tools

I'm a bit of a newshound and talk radio junkie, which means of course, that I could not escape the overblown politically correct hysterectomy that was this week's Don Imus incident. In no way do I want to discuss the whole stupid affair here (or ever again for that matter), but what CBS is currently doing to remove all traces of anything related to that stupid, really bad for business Imus comment reminded me of how comics periodically do recons to clear out the stupid, really bad for business things they do.

Yes, it's a curse tying comics into everything, everyday. I can't help it.

Anyway, after I boarded that particular train of thought, I realized that there's an even better parallel: Imus was fired (retconned) for using the expression, "Nappy-headed Ho." So, let's further this week's inadvertant (I swear) Pimp's and Ho's theme by remembering that at one time DC retconned an actual Nappy-Headed Ho:

(Careful readers will notice the editorial nudity coloring on the last panel. Unless her skin-tight leather pants are really, really shear)

Ah, the 1989 Catwoman: Year One story. Actually, I believe it's actual running title was "Her Sister's Keeper," but it came in on the heels of Batman: Year One's success and was a sort-of tie in to that. In this origin (doesn't Catwoman have like, what, nine? haha.. I crack meself up!), Selina starts out as an often bitch-slapped-around street hooker with a cat / bondage /furry fetish. Hey, yo' gotta keep yo' bitches in line yknowwhati'msayin'? Eventually, after her hooker friends and Sister sister get caught up in the violence, she decides that enough is enough, gets some training from Wildcat then starts kicking ass. And showing ass. It's all good. Well, not the plot, or the dialogue, or the art particularily, but I'm all for the ass-showing.

This origin of Catwoman was retconned out of existence during DC's whole Zero Hour thing, which I've never read, believe it or not. I've been told that's a good thing, so I'm sticking with it. Losing this particular origin is kind of a shame because I'd be completely fine with Catwoman tying me up and calling me "Skunk:"

Oh! Whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks!

Y'know, this series was on my eBay sell pile, but I think I'll hold onto it. In spite of it being a pretty crappy comic, all told. Selling it would essentially retcon this version of the character from my collection. I'll keep it just for that, I think.

Never forget. Peace out!

(Insert some hip kissing the fingers salute thing here. Soup is street. Word to your mother.)