Oh, Kari!

(The following is a transcript from a previously unaired episode of MythBusters)

MythBusters
Episode: 1574

(Pre-credits)

Adam: Remember, we've had years of experience doing the things we do. We're experts!

Jamie: Yep. And also remember: Do not try this at home.

(voiceover)

Today - on MythBusters!

Grant and Scottie try to prove if the unbreakable really is unbreakable. It’s time for the Adamantium throwdown!

Meanwhile, Grant and Tory try to answer the unseen question: How can an invisible woman see where she’s going?

But First, here’s Adam and Jamie ready to settle a myth - and a contest - that pits an ancient defense against a modern offense!

(cut to workshop)

Adam: Well, this is going to be a fun one! We’re actually going to be testing to see just how much punishment certain types of ancient armor can withstand. I envision us destroying all kinds of cool things! We get to play with guns, right?

Jamie: Yeah. The thing is, that even though some of the older stuff is, well, pretty ancient, and design-wise hasn’t changed much in hundreds of years, there might be a reason for that – you don’t mess with success.

Adam: Right! But even though you might have the perfect design for stopping, oh, a 15 pound mace, eventually hardware technology outpaces you, and you’re forced to design something a bit tougher. From wicker breastplates to Kevlar vests.

Jamie: In fact, the myth we're going to test today is that ancient armor was so well thought out and constructed so strongly that it can actually offer significant protection from even modern weaponry.

Adam: So, we’re going to try and see just how much punishment some of these very cool looking pieces of ancient defense can take from a modern firearm. Personally, I think this one is busted... but let's go anyway! What have we got first, Jamie?

Jamie: Well, this is an ancient, full-sized, 5th century bronze Aspis shield. It’s just about the kind the ancient Spartans used. It offers great protection for not only the wielder, but also, if you hold it like this, for his fellow soldiers on this side of him.

Adam: Like in the movie 300!

Jamie: Exactly. Now, these things are great at stopping arrows, spears, and most of the other piercing and slashing weapons that were being used around in the 5th century. They’re real solid and can take a lot of punishment. But as you can see …

BLAM!!

Adam: Ohhhh! Who-Hoo! You're dining in Hell now, Buddy!

Jamie: …they’re really no match for a modern .38.

Adam: So we don’t have to worry about those pesky Spartans? What if they had elephants? Or dwarves? Or dwarf-riding elephants? With knifey hands?

Jamie: Not really no.

Adam: Well, I for one, will sleep a little better tonight. This one's already looking busted - what about other forms of ancient armor - what do we have on hand to try and destroy, Jamie?

Jamie: Well, we decided to try a little field testing with a larger piece and sent Kari out for another experiment. Here – Let’s put her on speaker … Kari? You there?

Kari (on speaker): Yeah, I’m here.

Adam: So, how are you doing?

Kari: Well, it’s a beautiful day outside here and I’m ready to start some shooting!

Adam: Whoo-Hoo!

Kari: Yep! I’ve got my old trusty .30-06 set up, got my scope set, the slow-motion cameras in place and I’m good to go!

Adam: You’re shooting at Buster, right? You can’t shoot at Buster!! Hasn’t he been through enough? Think of all the little crash-test dummies that will be orphaned!

Kari: Ha ha! No, no – I could never take a shot at ol’ Buster. Besides, after that episode we did about the possibility of surviving a massive gamma explosion, we can’t even find him.

Adam: I heard he's rampaging through the American Southwest!

Kari: Ha ha! No, don't worry, Buster's not wearing the scalemail.

Adam: Oh! Scalemail! Awesome! The coolest of all ancient armor, if I do say so myself! What era is the armor from, Kari?

Kari: Well, this is more of a modern reproduction. The original stuff is just too expensive for us to just go shooting at it. OK - I'm about ready to go here. Let me get in a comfortable shooting position here...

Adam: Where are you exactly, Kari?

Kari: I'm on the old Bushmire building. Almost set.

Adam: The Bushmire? On the roof?

Kari: Yeah, it has the best view of the Courthouse. OK - firing in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ...

Adam: Did she say Courthouse?

Kari: 2 ... 1 ...

BLAM!!

Adam: Uh... Kari?

BLAM!!

BLAM!!

Adam: Kari!?!?

Kari: (Fuckin' Liberal Anarchist Walkin'-away-from-a-fight-without-finishing-it Douchbag)

(end of transcript)