Death Warmed Over

Bleah.

Sorry about the lack of a Monday post - I woke up sick after too much Super Bowl partying. Or homemade Guacamole. Jury's still out on that one. Though the household crapper is prepared to be recalled as a follow-up witness, if you get my drift..

In fact, I barely staggered into work today and now feel like that might have been a mistake. I'm still all icky. And the dogs are eying me like they may have to figure out how the can opener works on their own. So, a quickie post for today then sleep.

And .. as I usually do when I feel like slacking, I'm stealing another blogger's funny. Well, stealing the funny panel they posted and trying to further the funny myself, but you know what I mean.

And again, as usual, today's theft comes from a beauty of an out-of-context panel lifted from Adam. I really owe that guy a beer.

And So...

Y'know? I would pay good money for a Smallville Zombies book. But only if you wrote it with the mandatory Silver Age wackiness.

And got Grant Morrison to write it.

Trunks and Junk. Be-Donks and De-Donks.

Sometimes, the joke's a prequel.

One Minute Earlier...


Yes, I used the phrase "Brobdingnagian." Sometimes, I read things other than comics, you know...

(I may save that one for the girl...)

EDIT: (Crap! She's onto me! Damn her literary knowledge!!)

Never Give Up.. Never Surrender!

I'm on a mission.

I'm trying to reclaim my #1 Google Internet Search ranking for "Supergirl Upskirt."

(Hi, Googlers!)

Plus, I came across this Adventure Comics beauty of a cover and just couldn't resist.

And, it was a fairly easy one to do, which gives me time to prepare to go out tonight, seeing as I have tomorrow off. Because it's my birthday and I've been told I'm going to get drunk and chauffeured around until I embarrass myself. Which should be fairly early on in the evening.

So, I guess I have two missions...

The Elephant in the Room

As a baseball fan, I thought I had to offer something on Bonds tieing Hank's all-time HR record and passing him very soon. Possibly tonight, even.

I've been to my share of Braves games (my favorite team) and have actually met Mr. Aaron once. I was a bit star-struck (and young) to engage him in a conversation, but when I think of him, to this day, I remember one thing: Class.

Bonds? Not so much.

I was sitting right behind home plate for a Braves game against San Francisco one night when Bonds hit three home runs. I'll be the first to admit: That guy's impressive as hell. And he's massive, especially that close up. It really takes your breath away just how hard and how far that dude can hit a baseball.

That said, a little bit of my baseball-lovin' self will die inside as that asshole becomes the HR king, passing a genuinely fantastic human being in the process. If he does some kind of half-ass acknowledging shout-out to Hank afterwards, I swear you'll hear the screams as far as wherever you're reading this.

At least Bonds' record will only stand for a few years, judging from A-Rod's current pace.

Bleh.

On Waiting for Turtle-Boy

I'm probably one of the few, based on the many, many bad reviews, but I've actually been somewhat enjoying DC's Countdown - mainly because I know that it's all set-up at this point and can sort of see the distant road ahead. Not the particulars, not the road's destination, just if the road ahead is one I want to travel.

I could be totally proven wrong, but I'm giving it a few more week's to get out of the "set-up" mode and into full-fledged "major stuff's happening now!" mode before I drop it. I still hold out hope.

I (and again, this is probably just me) particularly like the Jimmy Olsen bits. We're starting to get a peppering of Silver-Age Olsen.. that's a good thing, and I hope we'll have a lot of fun with that arc. Hopefully, we'll see his whole wacky history touched on before it ends... I mean, the dude's done everything, if you think about it! Everything. He could teach us a lot. Seriously:

"... kids!" Kids!! She meant to finish with "Kids!" Ran out of room! (Honestly!)

Jimmy Olsen: Pimp.

Lois Lane: Clueless

I was looking through some old Lois Lane comics (Yes, Ladies! I'm single!) and came across this beauty of a cover:

Did Woody Allen write this?
Yes, that's about as awesome of a Lois Lane "Buy me to see what's going on!" romance cover as you can get, considering that Superman has not only married Lois Lane (old hat), but he has adopted his cousin, who honestly seems pretty stoked with the whole idea. (*shudder*) Bonus: You just know Lois is going to tear off into a Catastrophic Jealous Lois Freak-Out™ at some point during the story. I can only hope it involves a Kryptonite frying pan.

Props to my man 'Supes for the strategic positioning of the newspaper, though. Been there, done that. Lois never saw a thing. Smooth, Bro!

I know I have to filter this through the innocence of those Wacky Silver Age Stories™, but - seriously?!? Did this one totally get a pass? And if this, like most LL comics, was really targeted to teenage girls, was the dilemma, "Now that he's adopted a fellow Kryptonian, someone who (*choke*) is more like him and better than me ... someone who is ... (*sob*) prettier and younger than me... (*sob*) what chance do I have of keeping him?"

"I....I...I'm still happy. I am. I'm happy! Hap..(*choke*)..py!"

That's a great cover. Man, I love old Lois Lane comics! (Hi, Ladies!)

Anyhoo..., because Lois seems a bit more clueless than usual on this one, and because it's absolutely, positively begging for a joke ... here we go!


Betcha thought I was going to really dirty that one up, didn't ya?

(ehh.. believe it or not, a "Superman Supergirl Lois threeway" Google image search is surprisingly barren. Huh. Funny, that!)

(Hi, Googlers!)

I apologize in advance

...but after the first one, which is just silly, the rest kinda spilled out of me.

Don't judge.

I really should stop being surprised at how many images there are for a "Supergirl Upskirt" search.

(Hi, Googlers!)

Crazy 8's: Superman

They should've tried this on the Hulk, using a Betty Ross puppet. And Superboy is seriously being a dick, using the cute girl who befriended Bizarro to lure him to an Army shooting range.


The Balloonie: Living out his existence at the Krypton Zoo in a state of constant fear for the entertainment of the Kryptonian elite. Oh, noble creature, thou art!


I think Superman meant to say "Incestuous."


Attention people who dress up in costumes at conventions: If one of you will come to a convention I'm attending dressed as Bizarro Scarecrow Superman, I will take back every mean-spirited thing I've ever said about you.


Lois: Wait a minute, Clark! There's no way you could have survived that explosion!
Clark: Umm... *gets down on one knee* Marry me, Lois! I love you! I always have!
Lois: Oh! I must have been mistaken.


Mxyzptlk: Pimp


BWAHAHAHAHAAA! Oh, man.. Oh *gasp* BWAHAHAA! I can't, I really can't..
Seriously, this is one of the best Jimmy Olsen stories ever. Write up coming.


Gordon's Fisherman: Cockblocker

Hellooooo Sailor!

Supergirl. Ho.
And what's up with Superman's pants?

Boom-Chicka-Wow-Wow!

Welcome to our first semi-safe for work post! Hopefully, the last - well, at least until the uncensored Shanna and Cavewoman editions come out. Warning: Badly-lettered bad language, and a very amateurish cartoony boobie slip ahead. Ha-cha-cha!

I was going through some boxes of irregularly shaped books last night and stumbled upon something I completely forgot that I owned. A few years back a friend of mine acquired a bunch of old amateur comics from the 30s-50s, personally restored/re-drew them and gave them away as little gifts for his friends. He did a great job too, so I thought I'd share them. Well, bits of them, anyway.

Plus, it helps me further my never ending persuit to jack my random Google hits even higher than the Power Girl post at the end of Dave's infamous Boob War Week! So, in that spirit, I present to you all: An original Superman and Supergirl Tijuana Bible!

Behold!

I thought about posting the whole thing, clickable as a NSFW link, but once you've seen one of these things, you've seen 'em all. Heck, I could write these things! Come to think of it, I probably did in middle school with the John Byrne She-Hulk's and whatnot... So instead of posting them complete, I'll make a few panels completely post-friendly so I can share the funny. Well, as post-friendly as I can make them while still maintaining the funny.

But let's not waste any more time here and jump right into it.. umm, as it were...


Check out Clark - still maintaining that nervous disguise. Oh, you! And at only 8 panels, this thing starts up quicker than Roy Thomas on Meth. Get set and GO! Baby! The real fun with this particular one is that Supergi-errr Linda Lee - Schoolteacher, if I remember right- and Superm-errr, Clark Kent - Pulitzer Prize winning journalist writing in a major Metropolitan newspaper daily, both talk in third-person slang:

Y'know? I actually find this drawing of Supergirl more attractive than any Michael Turner cover. It doesn't look like one of those melted and distorted coke bottles filled with 70s colored sand, you know. It's a good curvey. And I really like the Chubby I stuck in there. Yes, that's a multi-layered joke. Yes, I'm ashamed. Sort of.

That's kinda creepy. Above and beyond the fact that you're role-playing (well, kinda) during sex with your underage cousin. Still, Folded Soup says it's good to see those crazy kids finally do be gettin' together!

Ah, youth!

(And why do I get the feeling that somehow this butt will end up somewhere else... Nah, she's too classy'a broad!)

---

BONUS: Katherine Hepbern with a li'l bit O' poetry!


Tee hee...