Theme Week!

Welcome to The Want List's first attempt as some cohesive content! That's right, it's a theme week! Yay!

Sitting around the campfire last weekend gave me a lot of time to catch up with all those spiffy DC Showcase books I have lying around. That's some good reading, right there! And, as much fun as the wacky Silver Age fun of the Superman books are, and even though the groovy hipness that is Metamorpho really rocked my socks, man! I was really enjoying a completely different type of book. Maybe it was my rustic, lonesome campfire, maybe it was the old west wilderness I was in ... but for whatever reason, I just couldn't put it down.

So, for the next few days, I hereby dedicate The Want List to....

Jonah Hex The baddest badass that ever assed a bad. Or something. This guy comes to your town, watch out! You're very likely to be caught up in the inevitable crossfire. God help you if you've have raped any whores recently. When Hex comes to town, there's a half-way decent chance that town won't be there tomorrow. You don't want to be on his bad side. You don't want him on your trail. You don't want to know him. Hell, you don't even want to hear his name mentioned. Bad. Ass.

How BadAss?
  • Jonah Hex likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.
  • Jonah Hex doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
  • Jonah Hex defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Jonah Hex loves you.
  • Jonah Hex does not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Jonah Hex goes killing.
  • Jonah Hex lost his virginity before his dad did.
  • Jonah Hex doesn't need to shower. Dirt is too scared to touch him.
  • Jonah Hex once killed 182 people with only six bullets.
(Heh. Where would we be without internet clich├ęs...)

Jonah Hex ...

Invented the ray gun. With his fist!

Jonah Hex ...

Don't thank him. Pay him.

Jonah Hex ...

You're gonna need more than 20 men. Trust me.

Jonah Hex ...

I told you so.

Jonah Hex ...

Ladies? Don't even try it. After he's buried all his bodies, he's movin' on.

Jonah Hex ...

Answer his damn question.

Jonah Hex ...

Has no use for dames.

Jonah Hex ...

Does not like the suburbs.

This really is a great collection of hard-ass Western stories. Even aside from the Jonah BadAss factor, the stories are just well layed out, paced wonderfully, and truly riveting at times. And the western art is just fantastic. You really get a feeling of desolation, desperation, and well, just "Westerness."

Tomorrow: You do not come between Jonah Hex and his dog. Bad things happen. Very bad things.


SallyP said...

Ahhh...Jonah Hex. He's...he's just dreamy. In a strictly bad-ass sort of way, of course.

Nothin' like a Western.

Did you see on Newsarama that they are thinking of making a Jonah Hex movie? One of the commentators said that "High Plains Drifter" was the best Hex movie ever made. I must say that I concur.

Adam Barnett said...

I think the Jonah Hex collection was one of the best of the Showcase Presents.... thus far. I lost interest in Metamorpho about halfway through, but Jonah was mighty fine reading. I don't appreciate that they devoted about 20% of the book to non-Hex material, though.

Nick Danger said...

Who would win in a fight, Jonah Hex or Chuck Norris?